Paleostinians Satire



The TT was commissioned to do a special photoshop of the event for those who missed it.

The Rapture of the Palestinians

At exactly 6 PM on November 29, 2012 (the UN’s “International Day of Solidarity with the Palestinian People”), Allah in His mercy transported all 11,000,000 ‘Palestinians’ — those living in Israel and the territories, in refugee camps in various Arab countries, and in their worldwide diaspora — to heaven, where they received the rewards denied them on earth.

After collecting the piles of clothing, Kalashnikovs and explosives left behind by the departing Palestinians, Israelis heaved a sigh of relief. Now that they could no longer be accused of mistreating Palestinians, they would be welcomed into the family of nations.

No such luck.

On the day after the Rapture, UNRWA officials announced a crash program to hire new employees to replace the 29,700 out of 30,000 who were Palestinian. “We have a huge task ahead of us,” said John Ging, head of UNRWA in Gaza, as he walked through the deserted streets of Gaza City, among wind-whipped black ski masks and green headbands. “One we get staffed up again, we’ll begin the task of repopulating the refugee camps. Maybe we can get Egyptians to live here — they don’t have any food in Egypt.” Deftly stepping over a Qassam rocket rolling on the sidewalk, he continued: “After all, we can’t let the Zionists come back. And we have $1.2 billion to distribute!” In the distance, the detonation of an empty suicide belt was heard.

UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon issued a statement, in which he congratulated the Palestinians, and wished them luck in finally achieving Fatah-Hamas unity. “But we must keep in mind,” he said, “that there are still many obstacles to peace in the Middle East to be overcome, such as Jewish settlement construction. And the lack of Palestinians may slow down negotiations for Israeli withdrawal.”

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