Today, Admiral General Aladeen appeared live on NBC:
Biography of Aladeen
Supreme Leader Shabazz Aladeen gave a great gift to the world when he decided to be born. He was seventh son of the glorious Wadiyan President-For-Life Omar Aladeen. His mother was an Air France stewardess who tragically died of an oxygen underdose shortly after Aladeen’s birth in 1982 – this fact means he is now 30 years old. Any photos you may have seen of Aladeen as a child in the mid-70s, including a great one of him at the premiere of Saturday Night Fever, were doctored by the corrupt Zionist Western media.
Aladeen’s childhood was filled with tragedy; all six of his older brothers met with the most accidental of deaths. The eldest slipped on Aladeen’s Hot Wheels cars and fell down the stairs while babysitting Aladeen. Another brother fell and impaled himself through the eye on Aladeen’s “Action Jackson” action figure — again while babysitting. Another was murdered at age 12 by General Motors when his Pontiac Trans Am put itself in drive and ran him over. Tragically, Aladeen’s remaining three brothers perished in a typical suicide pact by simultaneously shooting themselves in the back multiple times with automatic rifles.
As a child, Aladeen attended an exclusive school in Switzerland, despite being born with all the world’s knowledge already inside his brain. In addition to excelling academically, he was extremely popular and by age 14 he’d had consensual sex with over 40 students and 7 teachers. After graduating at the top of his and all other classes in the school, he then continued his education in Wadiya, where he earned 118 PhDs – not just from the University of Aladeen, but also from Aladeen University and Northwest Aladeen State.
During his university years, Aladeen did pioneering work for the Wadiyan Space Program. His projects were a success without rival, killing more astronauts than both the Russian and American space programs combined. Part of his research managed to confirm that there’s not enough oxygen for a political opponent to survive at altitudes higher than 45,000 feet. In the same experiment, he confirmed that there is enough gravity at 45,000 feet for a political opponent’s body to return to Earth when thrown from an aircraft.
Rise to Power
When Aladeen was just a child, his father Omar died in a tragic hunting accident when he was hit by 97 stray bullets and a stray grenade. Shortly afterwards, Omar’s Chief Advisor suggested that Aladeen should be officially declared the successor. The supremely-humble Aladeen responded by accepting the position. He then shot Chief Advisor for challenging the rule of his father. Aladeen righteously declared his father Eternal President of the Republic and called for free elections to determine who would serve as Vice-President under his dead father. Aladeen won with only 99.999% of the vote. After an exhaustive government investigation, it was discovered that the one dissenting vote came from Aladeen himself, who deliberately misspelled his own name as an ingenious test of the system.
Aladeen is a most popular leader and the people of our glorious land are known to spontaneously erect statues of him and fly banners saluting him whenever he visits their villages. A tireless worker, as well as being the country’s Number One Drive-time DJ, Aladeen also hosts a weekly talk-variety show, ‘The Aladeen Hour’, which lasts for 5 hours and is screened every Wednesday, then repeated on every other night of the week. Aladeen also hosts, judges and competes in Wadiya’s Next Top Model which he has won for a record 14 years running.
Although Aladeen strikes fear in the heart of the West, he is beloved by all Western celebrities, who clamor to spend time with him. Most recently, Dionne Warwick performed at his birthday party for which she received a completely unexpected gift of $5 million – oh boundless is our leader’s benevolence. Ms. Warwick’s visit was the most prominent celebrity appearance in Wadiya since Mariah Carey’s private jet was re-routed to Wadiya in 2007.
After several failed assassination attempts by the imbecilic dogs of the CIA (a poisoned milkshake, an exploding camel, etc.) and a hatred of tedious State functions, Aladeen was forced to employ a team of body doubles. Few Westerners can tell whether the Aladeen who appears on television is the man himself or merely another double. The Western media was one time so stupid as to be confused by the televised execution of Aladeen carried out by another Aladeen while a third Aladeen looked on approvingly. To all those with love for Aladeen in their hearts, the identity of the true Aladeen is clear. Long live His Excellency, General Colonel Doctor Aladeen, Democratic President-For-Life, Invincible and All-Triumphant Commander, Chief Ophthalmologist, Brilliant Genius of Humanity, Excellent Swimmer Including Butterfly, and Beloved Oppressor and Ruthless Protector of the Precious and Expendable People of Wadiya.
5680 B.A.(Before Aladeen):
Adamadeen has sexual relations with Eveadeen in the Garden of Edenadeen, producing Abrahamadeen, who started roaming the Earth looking for a land worthy to be named Wadiya.
Abrahamadeen finds a suitable land – it is ruled by the terrorist Genghis Khan, who is easily defeated using conventional weapons (spears) and for the first time ever, chemical weapons (a mixture of rowan berries, snake venom, and urine).
5600 B.A. – 280 B.A.:
Three separate nomadic tribes roam the Wadiyan desert in small circles, never bumping into each other for thousands of years.
The three Wadiyan tribes finally meet in the indentured servitude of imperialist colonial work camps.
100 B.A. – 20 B.A.:
“The Hot Potato Period” begins when Italians claim control of Wadiya. A few years later, they trade Wadiya to Switzerland for a truckload of cheese. Switzerland later pays Germany to take Wadiya off its hands. Within weeks, German officials convinces the Wadiyans that they want independence.
Wadiya gains independence and Samak Sharif is elected president. Sharif declares that Wadiya will be a beacon of peaceful progress. Within hours, he is simultaneously beheaded by two rival assassins.
Two rainbows appear in the sky, the trees bow down, and the birds begin to sing the national anthem as the living god Omar Aladeen descends from heaven straight into the throne.
Aladeen is born. He delivers himself, cuts his own umbilical cord, and immediately delivers a most-inspiring speech criticizing the treachery of the Western nations.
0 B.A. – Present:
A period of indescribable joy that only increases with each day that Aladeen so charitably chooses to remain our leader despite being so very overqualified for the position.